The Meaning of Marriage
(A Wedding Homily for Urban Pastors)
By Sethard A. Beverly
Let us begin with a question: Where can people turn to learn the true meaning of marriage?
Some people turn inward and rely on their instincts. Because the loneliness, incompleteness and romantic feelings that prompt them to desire marriage are so natural and strong, they feel like they already know enough about marriage – without the benefit of inquiry, serious study, or counsel. Such persons are likely to be among those who know not, and know not that they know not.
Some people turn to society. That is, they look to Hollywood, TV, movies, novels, magazines, tabloids, playlists, and podcasts. They might even take cues from friends, or statistical studies and polls that supposedly report how the nation regards marriage. These persons are likely to be among the blind following the blind.
Some people turn to their parents. And there is real insight to be gained in that approach – provided they are willing to “case study” their parents’ marriage in an unbiased manner, acknowledging their parents’ weaknesses as well as strengths. It is not enough to simply say, “This is the way my parents do marriage.” Such persons are among the better prepared for marriage.
Some people turn to the Bible. The Bible might be he most informative and helpful resource. For example: In Genesis chapters 2 and 3, there is a prophetic declaration regarding the nature and function of marriage. In those chapters the narrator couches a pronouncement about marriage within a story which tells how marriage began. Within the story of Adam and Eve, the “first couple,” is found the Creator-God’s intention for the nature and function of marriage.
That is the meaning which Jesus attributes to the Genesis story when answering questions about divorce in Matthew 19. Jesus insists that the model for marriage and family is not even to be taken from Moses’ teachings – which permitted divorce. Jesus says that the Creator’s original design for the family as seen in the “first couple” is the only worthy model of marriage and family. That is the context in which we understand Jesus’ statement, “from the beginning it was not so.”
In the Genesis account or story the nature of marriage is that of “one husband-one wife” living together in an abiding and permanent relationship. As for function, the permanent one-spouse-family provides the setting for man and woman to develop a deep, lasting and fulfilling relationship that is not prematurely dissolved, nor damaged by extra marital affairs.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:23)
This “oneness” is accomplished not only through mutual faithfulness (both physical and psychic), but also through childbirth and responsible parenthood. Such a marital setting has the additional benefit of controlling sexuality and preventing the social chaos that we see so much of today.
Let me conclude this brief reflection by stating that ultimately a marriage is what a couple makes it. With proper guidance, discipline, and determination, there is no reason why your (or any other) marriage cannot achieve the biblical ideal for marriage. But five essentials are needed if your marriage is to be successful:
1. Maturity: marriage is not for children.
2. Commitment: marriage is not for the double-minded
3. Unselfishness: marriage is not for the ego centered
4. Bonding: marriage is not for the loner.
5. Spirituality: marriage is not simply physical.
You might have noticed that I did not include “love” in the list of essentials. That is because people have so cheapened what they mean by love. But if you are determined to be mature, committed, unselfish, bonded and spiritual; you will be truly loving an will experience what God has in mind for your and every marriage -providing you take Christ into your lives (and home) in a deep and personal way and understand what is meant by the statement, It really takes three to get married: husband, wife and God.
Shalom
