Technology has become a normal part of family life. We use it for work, school, communication, entertainment, church services, and staying connected with people far away.
Our children are growing up in a world where screens are not occasional additions to life. They are part of their everyday environment.
Technology itself is not the enemy. It can teach, connect, entertain, and help families learn or enjoy something together. The problem begins when technology stops serving the family and quietly begins shaping it.
Phones, televisions, video games, and social media can occupy so much of our attention that we no longer notice what they are replacing. Conversations become shorter. Family members sit near one another without truly being together. Children are entertained but not always guided, while parents may be present but distracted.
For Christian families, this is not simply a question of how much screen time is too much. It is a question of who is forming our children and what kind of home we are building.
Home is one of the first places where children learn what love, responsibility, discipline, worship, and belonging look like. Long before children can explain a Christian worldview, they are learning one from the way their family lives.
Deuteronomy 6:6–7 tells God’s people to keep His commands in their hearts and teach them diligently to their children throughout everyday life—at home, while traveling, at the beginning of the day, and when preparing to rest.
This is not discipleship happening only during a Sunday service or scheduled Bible lesson. It is faith woven into the ordinary rhythms of family life.
Christian parents have been given the responsibility to guide, teach, correct, encourage, and prepare their children. Churches, schools, and media can help, but they cannot replace the family.
A screen can deliver information, but it cannot take on the God-given role of a parent. It cannot know when a child is confused, afraid, ashamed, curious, or quietly asking for attention. It cannot consistently place what a child sees into the context of Scripture, wisdom, maturity, and love.
That requires a relationship.
Most parents have used a screen to occupy a child. I have too. Sometimes dinner needs to be prepared, work needs to be finished, or everyone needs a chance to settle down. Using technology this way occasionally does not make someone a bad parent.
The concern is when temporary help becomes the normal pattern of the household.
A device can become the automatic answer whenever a child is bored, upset, or restless. Parents can also become absorbed in their own phones while telling their children they spend too much time looking at screens.
We expect videos to entertain our children, algorithms to choose what they watch, games to hold their attention, and social platforms to provide companionship. Meanwhile, children may receive hours of information without any guarantee that it is good, accurate, or appropriate.
Every form of media carries messages about what matters, what is normal, and what kind of person someone should become. If parents are not helping children understand those messages, someone else is still teaching them. We can unintentionally hand the values and beliefs of our homes over to strangers and algorithms.
Current guidance from the American Academy of Pediatrics encourages families to look beyond a single screen-time number. Parents should also consider the content children consume, the context in which they use technology, the individual child, and what media use may be crowding out.[1]
That last question is especially useful:
What is this screen replacing?
Is it replacing sleep, physical activity, outdoor play, reading, imagination, prayer, or conversation?
Is it replacing the opportunity for a child to handle boredom without immediately reaching for entertainment?
With my boys, that last one is especially important.
Technology is not automatically harmful because it is present. The greater concern is whether it repeatedly pushes aside the relationships and experiences children need in order to grow.
The pandemic years showed us how quickly children could become isolated indoors and attached to electronic devices. Children need opportunities to move, explore the physical world, solve problems, make mistakes, wait patiently, talk with adults, and work through disagreements with other children.
Real-life experiences build confidence and understanding that even a well-structured video cannot fully provide. They allow children to discover questions they may never have known to ask from behind a screen.
Social media deserves a larger conversation of its own, but it cannot be ignored.
Children can be exposed to adult subjects before they have the maturity to understand them. They may encounter unhealthy comparisons, manipulative advertising, cruelty, cultural conflicts, and pressure to create a public identity before they are ready.
They can also be influenced by creators and online communities whose beliefs conflict with what their family is trying to teach. Even a harmless video about a child’s favorite game may introduce them to a creator who later influences their language, behavior, or worldview.
Research does not show that every child will be affected in the same way. Some young people use online spaces to create, learn, and maintain meaningful relationships. However, health authorities continue to warn that social media carries risks, especially when it is unsupervised or interferes with sleep, physical activity, emotional health, and everyday responsibilities.[2][3]
The world our children are growing up in is different from the one many parents knew. Even if we do not struggle greatly with electronics, we should not assume our children will be equally resistant to constant digital influence.
The United States Surgeon General has stated that we cannot currently conclude that social media is sufficiently safe for children and adolescents.[2]
Children do not need unrestricted access to every conversation simply because the technology exists. A child may read at a college level without having the emotional maturity or life experience needed for college-level material.
Giving a child access to social media should not be treated as an automatic stage of growing up. Parents should consider the child’s maturity, the platform, the content, the available safety controls, and whether they can actively monitor and discuss what the child encounters.
Protection is not pretending the outside world does not exist. It is preparing children to enter that world with wisdom instead of sending them into it alone.
Building a healthy family in the digital age does not require removing every screen from the house. The goal is not to create a family that never uses technology. It is to create a family that knows how to use technology without being ruled by it.
There is an important difference between four people sitting in the same room while each looks at a separate device and four people using technology together.
A family gathered around a game such as Mario Party may still be laughing, talking, competing, cooperating, and making memories. Parents may watch a movie with their children and discuss it afterward. A family might use a video to learn a skill, exercise, speak with distant relatives, or explore a Bible resource together.
Shared technology can support family relationships when the people remain more important than the screen. The American Academy of Pediatrics recognizes that engaging with media together can provide opportunities for relationship-building and learning.[1]
The question should not only be whether we used a device. We should ask whether it strengthened our family and whether we used it in a way that reflects the values God has given our household.
On a rainy day, a shared family game may create more connection than everyone disappearing into separate rooms. Some of my most vivid memories are of sitting beside my dad and playing a split-screen video game together.
At the same time, families still need experiences outside the digital world.
Go for a walk. Visit a park. Cook together. Work in the yard. Attend church. Serve someone. Play a board game. Have a conversation without the television playing in the background.
A parent cannot convincingly teach a child to put down a phone while remaining constantly distracted by one. We cannot complain that our children never speak to us while looking at a screen whenever they try.
Healthy digital habits must involve the entire household.
This may mean establishing times and places where devices are set aside, such as the dinner table, family prayer, church, bedrooms at night, and important conversations.
It may also mean allowing children to see their parents become bored, wait without entertainment, read a physical book, work with their hands, spend time outdoors, or choose conversation over scrolling.
Our children do not only need rules. They need an example.
Ephesians 6:4 calls parents to bring their children up in the training and instruction of the Lord. That requires more than correcting them when they make poor choices. It also requires parents to examine the example they are placing before them.
Every household will handle technology differently. Children have different needs, maturity levels, responsibilities, and challenges. I have two children with special needs, and electronics affect each of them differently. Both parents in our home also work from home, so screens are a regular part of our lives.
That makes intentionality even more important.
A healthy family plan should not be based only on punishment. It should help children develop judgment, self-control, and discernment. In our home, I use a reward system that allows my children to progress and earn screen time.
The goal is not simply to keep children away from every danger until adulthood. It is to prepare them to make wise choices when their parents are no longer standing beside them.
Resources Consulted
- American Academy of Pediatrics, “Understanding the New AAP Digital Media Guidelines for Children”
- U.S. Surgeon General, “Social Media and Youth Mental Health”
- American Psychological Association, “Health Advisory on Social Media Use in Adolescence”
- Barna Group, “Who Is Responsible for Children’s Faith Formation?”
- Barna Group, “Andy Crouch on Becoming a Tech-Wise Family”
- Barna Group, “Opportunities for Faith Formation at Home”
